I hate my husband.

I hate my husband.

I hate how he thinks he’s being a good husband just by not hitting me and just being nice. His words.

I hate how he thinks it’s okay to continuously vape while I’m pregnant. I’m constantly breathing it in too because we’re living off a small hotel room right now. Not financially struggling or anything, just a weird situation.

I hate how he doesn’t think to take care of me while I’m super sick in bed. He’ll be at work and then come home, see me suffering in bed and say, “I wanna go to the gym.” Doesn’t even ask how I’m feeling.

I hate how he never even asks, “Are you okay?” after he’s seen me violently throw up due to morning sickness, multiple times.

I hate how he always has his phone on an abnormal loud ass volume and he goes through Tik Tok right next to my ear. And then he’ll say I’m just being sensitive to volume.

I hate how he measures my love for him with the chores that I do. If I do the dishes, then he knows I love him. If I don’t wake up early in the morning to make him breakfast, I don’t love him.

I hate how it was his mom that put that idea in his head, and he ate that shit up.

I hate how I’m required to call his parents once a week every week, but he never once contacts my mom. Not even to just check up on them. Let alone say hi.

I hate how his entire Instagram explore page is full of model girls that I know are his style. The algorithm will show what you mostly look at. Which is why my Instagram explore page is full of celebrity news, because that’s how I waste time.

I hate how he always invalidates my feelings. If he does something I don’t like and I bring it up to him, somehow someway the conversation changes to something being my fault and he’s a victim and we’re not talking about the main topic anymore.

I hate how he makes jokes about the most inappropriate things.

I hate how he told me he’s depressed one day, and so I tried to talk to him and try to understand what he’s feeling. But when I tried to converse, all he’d give me are literally, “mm,” and “idk” while he plays a game on his phone. Mind you, he started the game WHILE I was trying to talk to him. And since he wouldn’t take any of it seriously, or even say “I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I asked him if he was joking or being serious. And then he got mad at me. Because I asked him if he was joking. When all I saw was him treating it like a joke.

I hate how he’s an only child and, I’m not entirely sure if that’s the reason why, but he is so damn self-centered. If it’s not his way, it’s the damn highway.

I hate how he doesn’t talk to me when we’re eating out. He’s just on his phone from the beginning or he’ll just not talk until I talk to him.

I hate how he tunnel visions. If I’m talking to him or asking him a question, but he gets a text from work, his work comes first. He’ll completely ignore what I was saying or what I asked and spend the next 10 mins texting back work. And I know for sure it’s not a girl. It’s work. But I just asked a yes-or-no question. The least he could do is say one minute, got something from work. But no. He just completely ignores me.

What’s worse is that whenever he gets a message from work, he’ll angle his phone away so I can’t see it. But I know for damn sure it’s not a girl. But he ALWAYS angles it away as if it is a girl. I questioned why he did it. I asked him if he was bi. Because all his work people messaging him were men. Idk about you, but if you constantly see your partner angling their phone away so you can’t see it (worst part being that you weren’t even trying to look :), it can drive you a little mad. The best way to put it would be like a physical action of gaslighting. In the end, I never got a straight answer.

I hate how he doesn’t look up on how to take care of a baby. It’s our first baby and I’m worried about so many things. So I google things and do research. I realized there are SO MANY things that can go wrong, so easily too. He’s more worried about how to play the new Harry Potter game.

I hate how he asked if I’m going to work out after I give birth.

I hate how I moved out to a whole different state for him and he says I didn’t sacrifice anything.

There’s more, but I’ll stop here.

I have so much hatred for this man and I’m afraid that it’s going to affect the baby in some negative way.. I keep trying to think happy thoughts and whatnot, but everyday I’m given a new reason to hate him…

This story was originally published on Medium.